When it becomes about winning and losing

Alexandra is starting up in her second season of soccer. Derek is going to coach the boys this year and we were excited that she got on the Wombats team. I played soccer in high school with the coach and she loves soccer and knows a lot about it so she has a lot of experience. Over the summer Alexandra has practiced with her and gone to 2 tournaments. She has improved greatly. She is a natural athlete. The kids and parents have encouraged bumping during the games but Derek and I have been teaching Alexandra to play fair. It is OK to be aggressive and go shoulder to shoulder against another player but never to push or elbow. In practice the other evening her team played against a boys team that was practicing on the neighboring field. The coach was saying "we hate boys" and other silly things. The players were talking about pushing in the back. Alexandra came home bummed out. She explained that she had a friend on the other team and didn't know why they were supposed to hate them or play unfair. I told her the coach was just talking nonsense. She just wanted to win. Alexandra wanted to know why it was such a big deal to win. I had no answer. I ended up telling her some people think it is more fun if you win. Her response "we didn't win any games last year and I still had fun." So at what point is it about winning and losing? Is it the "losers" who think it is just for fun? And the "winners" who think it is all about the score? I think it is whatever we teach them. I told her that as long as she is having fun and is improving then it doesn't matter. She is only 8 and I'd hate for her to worry about the score or think that if they lose then the game isn't fun.