Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Family

I will be honest and say I was very hesitant about having to watch Shane's kids every day. Carter is 7, Byron 6, and Merideth 2. I haven't been around them much and they are attached to their parents so when we do have get togethers they don't interact with me. Carter has a loud voice and Byron seems destructive and rebellious and I never thought he would listen to me especially not obey anything I say. Merideth rarely got off her parents lap and never once came to me if I tried to hold her. However, it has been great and I love that I have gotten to know them better and that my kids can play with cousins. Carter's voice hasn't bothered me at all. Byron has managed to damage a few things but listens very well. Merideth loves to have me hold her. In fact she clings to me whenever any other adult comes around. She has started going to my mom and Shamra but would not at first. i hope they like being here as much as I like having them here.

I never had cousins my age around. I think we would see some of them once a year. So it is awesome that they have so many in town and we are blessed to live here close to them. I don't expect them to be best friends with all of them but to know you have a good friend around would be comforting.

I am so happy that I live nearer to my family. It was nice to be in Arizona near Derek's family and I do miss them but I love being near brothers, sisters and my parents. I do wish outside of family I had a friend or two. Don't get me wrong I have many people I consider friends but I would love to have someone who could use a friend as much as I could. Basically someone else who doesn't have a lot of friends either. I have been so lucky to have the friends that I have had in my life. Candace, Camery, Shiloh, and Callye. It is hard for me as an adult to make friends. Especially not working outside my house I don't meet that many people. When I do, they are already busy in their lives and have other friends. Do I sound lame or what. Maybe with Derek being gone. Anyone want to go see a movie Friday?? Derek has a million friends in town from high school and is always making new ones. Must be a guy thing. I do like all of the wives and girlfriends of his friends and love to have BBQ's. I am just beginning to not feel like an outsider as we sit around and chat.

Well, I guess I will just have to go eat worms. Tell me you remember the song. Nobody likes me everybody hates me guess I'll eat some worms. Big fat juicy ones, small skinny slimy ones.....(that's actually all I remember)
Yes, Derek's unit has been called up to go to Kuwait in March '09. No, I am not worried or panicked. Not much changes for me. More for him. I will still be in my same house with the kids and have family around. Of coarse I will miss him and the kids will too. Maybe it is because in the early years of our relationship and marriage we were apart a lot. He moved to AZ then VA while I was in Utah. But we got through it and here we are.

While he has been in Yakima for the last few weeks I have been trying to get a few projects done around here. I think I can check off 3 of 20. Eli falls asleep in his own bed and sleeps all night, Vanessa sleeps most of the night in her own room waking up only once instead of 5 plus times. I haven't yet let her cry herself back to sleep, and I got the family room painted. So as for the yard and rest of the house they still need work. I have a few more weeks.

The weather is changing and I love it. Alexandra is off on her first day of school. Xavier starts tomorrow. Alexandra has always been outgoing and ready for school so I never thought much of it sending her off. I am terrified of sending Xavier off. I think he is ready and will do fine I've just never been apart from him for very long. And if I was he was with family. But I guess 3 hours won't be that many. We went to the school and met his teacher last night and saw his classroom. Mrs. Covey seems very nice and he was excited about being there.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Two steps forward, one step back.

The only room to make into Vanessa's room is the dining room. Sounds weird but could really work. I cannot make Alexandra share a room with her and no one will go downstairs alone to sleep. So I got the windows blocked and the crib was set up and I helped Vanessa say her prayers and explained to her that she was going to sleep in this room all by herself. I put her in the crib and she began to cry. It would be so much easier if she was being a brat. Instead she had to cry the saddest cry yelling for me to come and get her. While she cried I got the boys in their bed quickly so I could put on my MP3 player to not listen to Vanessa. After about 10 minutes I give up. Vanessa had gotten out of the crib and gotten one arm out the door which had been wedged shut. I couldn't leave her there. So I rocked her to sleep and put her in my room again. She woke up atleast 4 times but I didn't get her anything she asked for. Normally I would get her a drink or walk her around the house to quiet her. Hopefully she will not wake up as much. BUT this was the first night that Eli went to sleep on his own in his own bed and then slept there all night. He usually lays on the couch next to me until he fall asleep and I carry him to bed. Now for 3 nights he has slept in his own room and doesn't get me up at night.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Changing the way I blog

I am going to be changing things up a bit. I am not going to be writing everything like a Christmas card about my kids. I am going to write about my real life and how I feel about things. I have been writing elsewhere about myself and it is too hard to keep up 2 separate things. So there will be lots of things about my kids but a lot more about me and what I feel like writing about.

For the past few years my life as been disappearing. Actually I have been disappearing. I have put my kids and husband and whatever else above myself. And though there is nothing wrong with that I have neglected to take care of myself. Everything I do I first think how it will effect others or what someone might think. Hello I can have an opinion too. I can do things just for the fact that I want to. I feel like yelling screaming to the world or just at myself "I am someone, I can do whatever the hell I want for no reason" It is no one elses fault, just mine, that I let Keri Lybbert Perez be replaced with well whoever I have become. Maybe none of this makes sense but every little thing I have done for the past few years has been done with fore thought of what might be.

Putting my kids wants before my needs is dumb but at the time it just seemed easier. For example I have never had any of my kids cry themselves to sleep or have to go back to their own bed if they get up at night. I know Derek doesn't like to hear them cry and neither do I but now I have a 3 and 1 year old needing to be rocked to sleep and waking me up numerous times at night. I haven't slept through the night in almost 9 years. And it is more of a disservice to them because they don't know how to go back to sleep on their own if they do wake up which makes them tired and miserable all day. What a difference it will be when my kids get the sleep they need and I get the sleep I need.

bla bla bla.

I have hired my niece Meg to come over for one hour a day and babysit my kids while I do whatever I feel like doing. I mostly want to take walks or even dig out my roller blades. T need to get more exercise. today I was explaining to Eli that I wanted to go on a walk alone and that he couldn't come. I said I needed to get exercise so I won't be fat anymore. When I got home he said " Mom, your still fat." If only it worked that quickly. I love leaving my house with my mp3 player playing songs I want to hear. Somedays I think I could walk for hours lost in my own thoughts.

So anyone still there? That's ok this is mostly for me. but i gotta go get kids to bed.