No pics

My camera is in AZ with Derek so I will add pictures when he comes back.

I miss my Eli

It is Saturday and he has been gone since Monday. I can barely stand it. I am glad that Derek has this time to spend with him and I had summers in Arizona where I brought the kids back to Washington with me for a month. It was nice to hear form Derek today that Eli wanted to see his mom today. It feels good that he misses me but at the same time I don't want him to feel sad. So Eli, I miss you lots.

So sweet

I looked over to find Vanessa had made herself a little bed on the couch. Spread her blanket out all nice with a pillow and she had her arms folded head bowed and eyes closed and she was saying a prayer then she pretended to go to sleep for maybe 30 seconds before she jumped up and ran to play. But how sweet is that to think to pray.

Mom, Why are you so mean?

I hate that. I hate when my kids say I am mean. Seriously? They think I am mean. I am pretty sure they don't know what mean is. This question has come up after I let them stay up late to finish a movie, take them bowling, buy them smoothies and fries and wait while they play quarter video games, take them to Walmart letting them pick a toy or treat. I wouldn't say my kids are spoiled or rotten but it really hurt when they asked. I wanted to know how I was mean. I know for sure I have never instilled fear into them. Sometimes I wish they had some so my threats of punishment would cause them pause. They think I am mean if I don't get them everything they want or send them to their rooms. So my answer to them is I am mean so they will grow up to be better adults. So they will recognize/know right form wrong. So when I am not there they will know how to treat others. What is not acceptable. They usually only get in trouble if they have mistreated someone. But mostly I am mean because I love them. Of coarse that answer made no sense to them whatsoever. If you loved us you wouldn't be mean. So to demonstrate I told them that I have to hold Vanessa twice a day tightly in my arms and get her to swallow her nasty medicine that she tries hard to spit out. Sometimes gags then spits at me.I have to pin her down on the couch in order to put drops in her ear. She fights and screams and makes me feel totally horrible, telling me to go away. She wants her daddy, I am the bad guy. I want to comfort her tell her I am sorry but she runs from me. After she calms down, a good 5 minutes of screaming, she sweetly tells me "you hurt my feelings, momma" All this mean stuff I do is for her to get better. Because I love her.

Seeing Red

Well over a year ago Alexandra said she wanted red highlights in her hair. Yeah right. Well she still wanted them and I thought what the heck. I was getting my brown eight months of growth roots lightened she can go with me and get highlights. She chose fire engine red. I need to get a good photo. They will however, fade in 6-8 weeks leaving her with blond highlights because they were bleached first. They are very much her personality. She loves to look good. She tries to be stylish. Now I only say tries because some of the outfits she comes up with drive me bonkers. But I figure she probably knows better than I what is "cool." I have seen the preteen shows on TV and their outfits are quite wacky. Wow, I am getting old.

I did it again

I took Vanessa with me to the store. After all the daycare kids went home Meg watched Alexandra and Xavier while we went to get her prescription which I keep trying to spell perscription. My plan to go in get the meds and leave. Standing in the waiting line I think since I am already here I should just pick up what i need so I don't have to come tomorrow. Instead of paying right then i take them with me and begin to travel the store. Vanessa stayed in the cart the whole time but kept throwing things out. It wasn't until I was ready to check out that I realized my purse wasn't in the cart. Ugh! What an awful feeling. So after scowling at Vanessa I know that it's really my fault. She's two. So starting at the pharmacy where I remember seeing it last I made my way around the store in the exact same way looking on the floor and shelves. Nothing. I stop at the customer service desk. nothing. Now I make my way around the store the exact same way but his time putting back everything I have picked up. Valentine balloon, socks, milk, ham, ice cream. I hope that is okay to put those types of things back. I had to keep the yogurt Vanessa bit off the edges of the lids. Kept the bananas, she'd already stepped on them. Luckily I had my phone in my purse. I call Kimber ask if she will be available to bring me my spare keys and $30 to cover what is in my cart. she said yes. I feel bad it being her birthday and all. she calls back said her parents are heading that way they will pick up my keys and bring it out. i have now been at the store for an hour and a half. I sit on the bench and say a little prayer. I am tired. The last two trips I carried Vanessa. She too is tired. Up walks Tara Bowes. She inquires if I am ok. I explain my situation and she insists we walk it again. My feet hurt I just want to sit and wait for my keys. But we go maybe this is the answer to my prayer. Pharmacy is closed so we skip asking them. We ask other employees if they have seen anything. No. I feel I should ask the lady at the fitting room. Nope. Head to the milk. Tara keeps mentioning we search through the clothes. easier to overlook then the empty milk isle. We make the whole round of the store ask customer service again. No. Start for the 4th time to walk the store. Vanessa's head has dropped onto my shoulder. Remember she is 34 lbs. We check the bathrooms and head to the fitting room. As Tara searches the rooms I look down into a cart and there it is among the other clothing items needing to be returned to the racks. I believe some employee picked it up thinking it needed to go back to the pile of purses. It 's not fancy and had only my wallet and keys in it so not heavy. I could see how the mistake could be made. I am insanely relieved. I am glad i don't have to explain to Derek once again what an idiot I am. You see he has heard similar things before. I tend to put things in a "safe place" only to forget myself where it was. I have misplaced my wallet many times bringing me to my knees asking the Lord to help me. I know that it was the Lord who helped me find it once again. I once misplaced a ring that was my grandmothers. Oh how I prayed to find that. i prayed over the coarse of a year thinking ever possibility of how I could have lost it. When and where did I wear it. A good time later I unpacked a bubble wrapped a sugar bowl that was my great grandmothers, took out the tissue inside and there was the ring. I will not lose that again. But instantly I remembered the moment I put it in there. A good hiding place. Unfortunately, I have misplaced/lost things that were not recovered. A different wallet, very special sentimental bracelet, earrings, keys. The keys, I had to use them to get into our apartment. A couple hours later couldn't find them. The wallet I used to pay at the store and didn't have it when I got to my car. Derek gave me some earrings, I wore them everyday for weeks until one day I felt my ear and there was no earring. he bought me the same pair (Not cheap, from Zales) so now I should have 3. Nope down to 2. He doesn't buy me jewelry any more. Maybe it is a good thing my fingers are to fat so my wedding ring won't come off. Anyway that was just a little bit about me.

Ear affection.

Thank you to Kimber and Meg who came over to watch the 6 kids then 10 kids after the bus so i could take Vanessa to the doctor. Vanessa happily played in the waiting room and when they called us back she got right on the scale. 34 lbs now. She spied the sticker drawer and asked for one. The nurse said it was fine to pick one before instead of after. she picked Dora and then grabbed a pencil too then headed straight for the door. "Let's go home now, momma" If only that was enough to make her better this time.

Dr.- So how long has it been draining like this? All over your pillows I bet.

me. at least 4 days.

Dr.- whenever anything starts coming out with tubes you call me right away.

me.- I did call a few days ago and your nurse said that the tubes are doing what they are supposed to do and left it at that.

Dr.- I'll go ahead and slap her for you.

Thank you, I knew I was right. That this ooze is too gross to go away on its own. And I must correct myself that it doesn't smell like wet dog. It smells like rotten fish. It is no longer just oozing but bleeding. Not sure if that is on the inside or surround from her scratching it in her sleep. She screams when I try to pat it with a tissue. The doctor sent the prescription to the pharmacy and we were on our way. Xavier keeps saying she has an ear affection. I think that is so cute because he is so kind to her. He whispers to me that it is dripping and I should wipe it. He doesn't want her to hear and upset her.

It has been somewhat strange around here. Derek and Eli left for Arizona two days ago. I miss my little Eli. I keep feeling like someone is missing when I look around checking on all the kids. I have never been apart from any of my kids for that long. I think the longest away from Eli is overnight when I was in the hospital with my ear infection. But even then Derek brought the kids up during the day. All last week Eli would talk about going to AZ where it was going to be warm and maybe go swimming. I don't remember ever swimming in February when we lived there but I thought maybe. Anyway, Eli asked Derek when they got there where they were and Derek said we are in Arizona. Eli said "this isn't Arizona. I don't see any big pool." Eli is such a cutie. I love the way he still likes to cuddle. The other kids aren't like that anymore. Vanessa likes to be held but not cuddle. Eli practically forms around you when you hold him.

Alexandra started soccer again. She is ready to be busy again but it will be different now that I will be the one taking her to practices. I really liked Derek doing that because I have to take all the kids with me and practice is from 5:30 to 7. Too short to go home and come back but too long to set and watch. Especially because the first month is in the school gym. She and Xavier are working on their reading so they can earn Silverwood tickets. I told them I would take them this summer if they earn tickets through the school reading program. Xavier is doing much better in school. The first quarter his teacher said he wasn't progressing, didn't know letter sounds or names. I didn't worry but it was nice this quarter because he knows almost all of them now. Yesterday he came home from school and asked if I had to say the Pledge of Allegiance when I was in Kindergarten. I said yes and he said it is bad to say. I think that some Obama fan must have said something but he tells me because it says "invisible" in it. I had to explain the meaning of "indivisible" He has also grown out his hair. Hasn't had it cut since the last incident that left it too short. I think it looks pretty good.

Vanessa is a pain in the butt. But we still love her. I took just her to the store with me the other day and it took me a good 45 minutes longer. She would climb out of the cart and just take off running. She thought she was so hilarious and having the best time ever. For the first half hour i was pretty good about it keeping her pretty close and in the same isle but then I reached that point where I was done. I seriously could have walked away from the cart and left the store if we weren't out of milk. I don't really care what other people think but you can't avoid the looks. The ones if I am letting her run crazy and the ones when I am trying to discipline her in public as patiently at possible. I asked Vanessa why she was running and being so naughty and she said. "I just happy." How can I argue with that? Because she has tubes in her ears she no longer gets the painful pressure from buildup behind the eardrum the goop just oozes out. It happened once with Eli. It gets in her hair which I try to keep pulled up. It is so gross and now the last couple of days she has smelled like wet dog. It has a really bad smell. I called the nurse and she said that the tubes are doing what they need to do and their is no need for antibiotics but I specifically remember Eli getting on meds when his drained this much.

I have been busy with kids here everyday. Derek worries our house will be destroyed but so far no major damage. Most days are 10 kids til noon then 8 til 4 then 12 till 5:30. twice a week I get 2 more kids random hours. Those days seem harder but not because the kids are harder just more stress I guess. I am ready for spring. We have been able to go outside for a while in the afternoon and the kids seem so much better when we get out and run around. I am trying to get some projects going. Pick up a hobby. I just don't know what I want to do. Spider solitaire gave me a headache yesterday. I want to feel I am accomplishing something. Something will work out. I feel I have been so lazy I just want to crash when the last kid is picked up. By the time we finish dinner, showers, and reading their isn't much day left. I hate that it is dark so early. So bring on spring. I am not falling for the 6 more weeks of winter Punxsutawney Phil, even though it did snow a couple inches last night. I am ready to work outside bu the ground is still frozen. So any ideas of something fun that leaves you with a feeling of accomplishment?