Two steps forward, one step back.

The only room to make into Vanessa's room is the dining room. Sounds weird but could really work. I cannot make Alexandra share a room with her and no one will go downstairs alone to sleep. So I got the windows blocked and the crib was set up and I helped Vanessa say her prayers and explained to her that she was going to sleep in this room all by herself. I put her in the crib and she began to cry. It would be so much easier if she was being a brat. Instead she had to cry the saddest cry yelling for me to come and get her. While she cried I got the boys in their bed quickly so I could put on my MP3 player to not listen to Vanessa. After about 10 minutes I give up. Vanessa had gotten out of the crib and gotten one arm out the door which had been wedged shut. I couldn't leave her there. So I rocked her to sleep and put her in my room again. She woke up atleast 4 times but I didn't get her anything she asked for. Normally I would get her a drink or walk her around the house to quiet her. Hopefully she will not wake up as much. BUT this was the first night that Eli went to sleep on his own in his own bed and then slept there all night. He usually lays on the couch next to me until he fall asleep and I carry him to bed. Now for 3 nights he has slept in his own room and doesn't get me up at night.

Changing the way I blog

I am going to be changing things up a bit. I am not going to be writing everything like a Christmas card about my kids. I am going to write about my real life and how I feel about things. I have been writing elsewhere about myself and it is too hard to keep up 2 separate things. So there will be lots of things about my kids but a lot more about me and what I feel like writing about.

For the past few years my life as been disappearing. Actually I have been disappearing. I have put my kids and husband and whatever else above myself. And though there is nothing wrong with that I have neglected to take care of myself. Everything I do I first think how it will effect others or what someone might think. Hello I can have an opinion too. I can do things just for the fact that I want to. I feel like yelling screaming to the world or just at myself "I am someone, I can do whatever the hell I want for no reason" It is no one elses fault, just mine, that I let Keri Lybbert Perez be replaced with well whoever I have become. Maybe none of this makes sense but every little thing I have done for the past few years has been done with fore thought of what might be.

Putting my kids wants before my needs is dumb but at the time it just seemed easier. For example I have never had any of my kids cry themselves to sleep or have to go back to their own bed if they get up at night. I know Derek doesn't like to hear them cry and neither do I but now I have a 3 and 1 year old needing to be rocked to sleep and waking me up numerous times at night. I haven't slept through the night in almost 9 years. And it is more of a disservice to them because they don't know how to go back to sleep on their own if they do wake up which makes them tired and miserable all day. What a difference it will be when my kids get the sleep they need and I get the sleep I need.

bla bla bla.

I have hired my niece Meg to come over for one hour a day and babysit my kids while I do whatever I feel like doing. I mostly want to take walks or even dig out my roller blades. T need to get more exercise. today I was explaining to Eli that I wanted to go on a walk alone and that he couldn't come. I said I needed to get exercise so I won't be fat anymore. When I got home he said " Mom, your still fat." If only it worked that quickly. I love leaving my house with my mp3 player playing songs I want to hear. Somedays I think I could walk for hours lost in my own thoughts.

So anyone still there? That's ok this is mostly for me. but i gotta go get kids to bed.

candace tag

Candace tagged me in May so maybe it is time I answered.
3 Joys-
Baking, Planting flowers, Quiet

3 Fears-
The dark, swimming in unknown waters, grasshoppers.

3 Goals-
get out of debt, raising happy children, being able to recognize good things

3 Current Obsessions/Collections-
Twilight series, organizing, I sort of collect radio flyer toys

3 Random/Surprising Facts-
I love vacuuming, I was married 6 months before I told anyone, I don't have a middle name and neither do any of my kids

Camery tag

I've been tagged. Let's see how it goes...
A = ADVOCATE FOR: Teaching children manners

B = BEST FEATURE: eye color

C = COULDN'T DO WITHOUT: music

D = DREAMS AND DESIRES: Be a better person. Raise happy children.

E = ESSENTIAL ITEM: nice spot in the shade

F= FAVORITE PAST TIME: Sleeping

G = GOOD AT: baking

H = HAVE NEVER TRIED: sushi

I = IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: I'd be rich

J = JUNKIE FOR: romantic movies

K = KINDRED SPIRIT: none

L = LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I hate cooked fruit

M = MEMORABLE MOMENT: birth of all my children

N = NEVER AGAIN WILL I: use a Q-tip for my ears

O = OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: cheesecake

Q = QUOTE: "This too shall pass."

R = REASON TO SMILE: Healthy kids

S = SORRY ABOUT: Not having any self esteem/ confidence in high school.

T = TAG SOME FRIENDS: Kimber

U = UNINTERESTED IN: mocha cappuccinos

V = VERY SCARED OF: swimming in the dark

W = WORST HABIT: nail biting

X = X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Holland

Y = YESTERYEAR DECADE OF CHOICE: Learned the most in the past couple years

Z = ZODIAC SIGN: Aquarius

Soccer Tournament

Once again Derek has gotten me to do something he signed up to do like fishing. But again it turned out great. Derek was planning on taking Alexandra to a soccer tournament in Spokane or at least go with us. Instead I got to go with the 4 kids alone. We had to get up a little early to get snacks, gas and meet up with the team at Burger King by 7. Vanessa cried the first 45 minutes. And by cry I mean kick, scream, and fight to get out of her car seat. I thought for sure she would fall asleep, which she did 2 minutes before the caravan of cars pulled over at the rest stop. She woke up and cried the rest of the way. Next time I am getting directions and going on my own. We get to a beautiful park by 9 first game is at 10. The girls all get dressed in their uniforms and get their hair up. Wendy, the coach, sprays all the girls hair blue. Of coarse Xavier, Eli and Vanessa want blue hair. The game itself was hard to watch. The other team was 2 years older and very skilled. But the girls didn't seem to mind the loss. We had a three hour break until the second game. I don't know Spokane well enough to feel I could venture out and find my way back in time so we had lunch at the concession stand, yum. Actually it was ok, they had sub sandwiches. Most of the other parents stayed there as well. The team had a big canopy set up so we stayed in the shade. Xavier, Eli, and Vanessa were great the whole time. Never asking to leave or complain about being bored. The second game was against girls 2 years older again but better matched. Even with a second loss our team played very well against them. Alexandra had a few good runs down the field with the ball. She has improved tremendously this summer. She is much more comfortable with the ball. There was another game on Sunday but we had decided before hand we would just come home Saturday night and not play in the Sunday game. I was impressed by Alexandra's decision. She told me before I said anything that she did not want to play on a Sunday. That game was against the other U8 team and our team had won bringing home the trophy. Even though some of the girls weren't there for that game they were very much a part of the team celebrating together on Monday.

Back to Saturday after the game. I took the 4 kids to the mall. I wanted to go to a couple of stores. We ended up having dinner there, Chinese. After getting the boys new shoes and the girls including me a few outfits we headed home. Vanessa slept most of the way. Unfortunately, Eli whined for most of the ride. But it was fun and I loved the time with the kids.

July 4th 2008

Derek and I both had 4 days off. Yeah!! His Grandma was here so it was nice he could spend time with here. We spent the day at my mom's. Hanging out in the yard. The kids did the big slip n slide, Aunt Sandra had a few games and races set up in her yard but we got rained out. It's become tradition to have crazy weather on the 4th. My dad has this box he fills with sawdust then drops over $100. in coins for the kids to dig for. It is crazy how hard it is to actually find the coins. My kids found a couple then gave up. I think Meg and Joey lasted the longest finding around twelve dollars each. The plan was to picnic at the lake but due to weather we ended up half inside and half in the front yard. I opted for the latter being how there were 60 plus people trying to shuffle around. Derek and I decided to go out on Jeff's boat again. This time Derek was planning on tubing. The water was choppy but I wanted to watch Derek. It was absolutely hilarious to watch. I had no intention of getting wet. After a little while I was talked into it. After all it wasn't a tube that you lay on but a raft like thing that you sit in. I went with my sister Shalene. First I realize I am sitting in a child birthing position then we get laughing so hard I find myself doing the Lamaze breathing. That thing is hard to stay on. Jeff had no sympathy as he drove the boat in circles and I flew off. Biff!! after a few others got turns we were heading in. I decide to ride the raft in trusting that it was just going to be a smooth ride back. Ha Ha. Derek found it more fun to watch me that to ride himself and wanted to see my fly. thanks. Though I did redeem myself and stay on the whole way back. Alexandra went to the park with my parents to watch the fireworks. We stayed home, let the boys light a few roman candles and sparklers then watched the fireworks from our backyard. I am so glad that we did because they started much later than usual this year. Alexandra is always on the go. She hates staying home unless she has a friend over so it is nice having family for her to spend time with. I know who she is with and that she is safe. But it was a little strange when she went to the fireworks. I thought I would be able to wait up for her or at least hear when she came home. Nope, she didn't even wake me so the next morning I went to make sure she had come home. If she hadn't been with family it would be different. I wouldn't have been able to sleep. I think. Some days I feel I could slip into a coma I am so tired. Anyway it is a bit strange she is never here and she is only 8. I cannot imagine how it will be when she is older. When there is mischief to be made.

Grandma Sara

Derek flew his Grandma Sara up for a visit. I was a little worried on the timing because it was the same time some of my family was coming in for a visit but staying at my parent's house. I wanted to hang out with everyone and my kids to see everyone. It worked out just fine. Also, I felt bad the first full day she was here because Derek had to work and I had 13 kids running around. She was just fine. She ended up doing my dishes for a week. My least favorite thing to do.

We were able to mix company. Grandma Sara came over to my mom's so everyone could visit. We went on a boat ride all around Moses Lake. One night we went to Micheal's for dinner. I don't get that place. It's like if you want to go out to a nice dinner that is where everyone says to go. I say just because it costs twice as much doesn't make the food any better. I prefer Bob's Cafe any day. Not only was it expensive but the food was blah and it was at least 90 degrees inside. We sat on the balcony with the fresh lake smell. Not good when you order fish.

Another day was spent relaxing at my mom's playing Scrabble and sitting in the yard. One night we hosted a big BBQ with a bunch of Derek's friends. The day before she left we went to Wenatchee to get cherries at Recchia's orchard. That is Derek's dads in laws. The kids sorted cherries. It was really fun. Afterwards we hit Red Robin. One of my other favorite places to eat. When Grandma Sara was walking she was saying that her legs get tired and hurt sometimes. Xavier came up to me and said "Next time you see a shooting star wish for Gramma's legs to get better." I thought that was so sweet.